The ‘Mummy’ job description

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My ‘job description’ as a Mummy consists of mainly being responsible for the raising, development and happiness of our children.

More detailed day-to-day tasks include:

– Dressing each twin, each morning. Including persistent chasing and catching, up and down the landing, and dressing them during their fits of giggles. Being able to apply tricky items in such circumstances such as tights and socks.

– Feeding. Cooking as much home-made, nutritious produce as possible. (In the absence of this, opening a packet and placing in microwave). To ensure each child eats the food that is in front of them and to remain calm and collected if this is not the case. To pick up many food items from the floor, even sloppy ones, and catch juice bottles, spoons or other items that may be thrown from the high chair.

– To ensure regular nappy changes, and be able to change a nappy whilst the child squirms, rolls, turns over, kicks you and/or stands up. Especially if the other twin steals any of the required materials such as cream, wipes or bags and then runs away quickly. To be able to change both nappies one after the other, whilst under enormous pressure (like getting out in the morning or whilst in a shop’s baby changing room with a long queue outside).

– Make playtime fun. To have the ability and entertainment skills to play all day, with only one break for their daytime nap. Examples include pushing them around on various sit-on items, kicking and throwing balls, reading books in varying voices, putting on puppet shows, playing cars or trains, playing hide and seek repeatedly as well as craft type play such as painting, crayons or playdoh. To ensure minimal squabbling over toys and have the ability to play with both twins at once with different toys.

– Going out and about. Be able to chase both twins who run in different directions. Be able to amuse both twins who are extremely fed up when in a car seat, buggy or any similar harnessed item. To regularly attend safe events such as playgroup or soft play and be willing to spend the whole time assisting them, such as when stuck at the top of a slide or when fighting with another child over a toy or book.

– Bathing. To bath both children and then to mop up the water from the bathroom floor, and retrieve all the bath toys from around the bathroom.

– Illness. Be prepared to clean up anything that the child produces whilst ill, such as sick, and to ensure that the smell does not linger in the carpets for days. To comfort ill twins who become incredibly clingy and who need constant attention. To have the ability to cope with numerous colds and coughs throughout the year, and to remove snot from noses throughout the day, whatever the thickness or consistency.

– As well as the above to carry out any other duties that *management* require for the role.

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2 Comments

  1. April 30, 2014 / 9:00 am

    I got tired just reading this. I wish that we can have a day off sometimes. #binkylinky

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