Feeling lonely

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We have been in our new home for just over 6 weeks now. After making the big move from North Wales to Worcester, due to Hubby’s work. And it is fair to say that the honeymoon period of moving is now well and truly over – and that life is resuming to some kind of ‘normality’ again.

During the months before we moved here with our 3-year-old-twins Harry & Lottie, Hubby was working away all week. Coming to Worcester for his head office role early on a Monday morning, returning home on a Friday, and hardly seeing us at all. And gosh, was this tough. This therefore cemented the decision to leave our previous life behind and come and settle here – 15 mins away from his office – to enable a proper family life.

And this, we have most certainly achieved. He is home most nights for the twins bath and bedtime, and spending far more quality time with them (which they love)…and I feel as though I have a partner back again. Rather than one that I communicate with via FaceTime.

And we have such a beautiful home. Stunning. I am so happy with it, and delighted that we live here. It really is the dream.

And Hubby is happy at work. And the twins have started at the new preschool and love it. And so everyone I care for is happy.

But…*and I knew this day was coming*…I actually feel alone at the moment.

The first few weeks here were great. Filled with unpacking boxes, the excitement of exploring a new area, and the thrill of being in a new home. However, whilst there is still so much excitement going on in our lives, 6+ weeks of not seeing friends, or much of my family, is proving tough. The ability to simply text a friend and meet up for coffee, or pop to see my Mum, has been taken away.

Now, before you feel uber sorry for me and race to see me and give me a hug, I have started to make ‘friendship’ progress. In fact only this week I met a Mum at preschool who mentioned that she would love to catch up for a playdate soon (which of course, we will do).

In addition, I have already spoken to a few Mums on our new estate too. And there is a local village hall where they run fitness classes, which I am going to go along to.

And yay for blogging! I have met up with a wonderful friend already and her beautiful girls. And I have plans for cake with another soon!

So all is not lost quite yet!

I’m lucky really. For I am not afraid to chat to people. I am certainly not shy and am fairly chatty. But, so far, the ‘chances’ just haven’t been there yet. I have been so busy getting on with other things that friendship hasn’t really been on my mind as yet.

Well, not until now.

All of this is in stark contrast to my previous life. I had so many lovely, amazing friends – and my social life was quite busy. The twins and I would see friends and catch up with a person almost every week. And so with this in mind, I guess I am missing the adult company, and a chance to talk to somebody else about something other than wee or poo (for it does get a little tedious several hundred times a day!).

I have realised lately that I need company more than I ever realised. That actually, I crave people around me. I need a social life, and I need other people beyond my own little family. For my own well-being.

As my very wise Sister-in-Law said – making one friend usually leads to another. For once you meet one person your social circle often grows. And that is so right. It happened before (in North Wales) and so it can happen to me here too. After all, it is still very early days. And I can’t be the only one here, feeling this way. Motherhood / maternity leave / being a Stay-at-home-Mum can all be wonderful, but can also bring loneliness. Most of the women I have known so far have loved a good playdate, not just for the child’s social development, but for the adult company and cake!

Of course I am still in touch with my old friends. Thank goodness for social media! And hopefully soon we will be popping back to say hi.

Mami 2 Five

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Jess Soothill

Jess is a Mother of twins, blogger and writer.

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48 Comments

  1. September 10, 2015 / 6:34 pm

    Oh bless you Jess, such a big move and all for the right reasons but yes I can imagine a little tough on you! Glad to hear you have lots of plans for things for you to do and meet new people! X

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 8:48 pm

      Thanks so much. I am trying to ‘throw’ myself into as much as possible!! xx

  2. September 10, 2015 / 6:49 pm

    I guess of course it was inevitable, especially with the twins staring pre-school so soon after moving but it sounds like you are doing everything right by knowing and trying to make friends. I bet in no time your diary is booming and that you are having coffee while the twins aren’t there! Hope you stop feeling lonely real soon xxx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 8:50 pm

      Thanks hun. I know – I sound like a right saddo but I just love and miss my friends! I am sure I will make some new ones soon who are as equally as fab xx

  3. September 10, 2015 / 7:34 pm

    I think it’s times where you feel lonely that definitely make you realise how important friendships and adult conversation are! I hope that you make some new friends soon, and it’s great that you’re able to have more family time! xx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 8:53 pm

      Thanks so much love – you’re so kind 🙂 I agree xx

  4. September 10, 2015 / 7:48 pm

    It must have been tough being away from your partner all week so I’m sure you’ve been caught up in a whirlwind of excitement having him back and moving into your dream home. I love that you recognised that the initial buzz would fade and you would be left feeling a bit down and you are doing things to change that. I think there’s nothing that can’t be achieved with a positive attitude. I think September is a bit of a difficult time for all us Mums adjusting to not having our little ones around as much – it’s hard and a bit lonely. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to turn that loneliness around and will be surrounded by loads of lovely new friends very soon. xx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 8:57 pm

      I am quite a positive person. I do try to make the most of situations and go for everything with a lot of effort. I am hoping that time will just help me meet people and get stuck in to the local community 🙂 Thanks for the lovely comment xx

  5. September 10, 2015 / 8:10 pm

    I feel your pain Jess, I moved to be near my hubby too and working from home doesn’t leave me with much time to catch up with the friends I have made but you’ll get there. Your circle of friends will grow plus you’ll have the benefit of it feeling like a little holiday when you go back to visit friends & family 🙂 xx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:03 pm

      Thanks very much. Good to hear someone else feels the same. Blogging is fab but quite lonely too (offline!). I definitely need to chuck myself into the village and see what happens! Good luck to you, and thanks for your lovely comment xx

  6. September 10, 2015 / 10:10 pm

    Aw bless! Sending big hugs your way. Having friendships in the area that you live is really very important to me. It makes me feel like my neighbourhood is my home, so I totally understand how you’re feeling right now. It won’t be long and you will have just as many playdate and wine night buddies as you did before and then it really will be the utterly perfect move for your family!! xx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:06 pm

      Thanks very much lovely. Friends were so important to me before moving, they literally kept me sane some days! Missing that chat right now xx

  7. September 11, 2015 / 8:57 am

    I moved counties two years ago. It’s only been in the past month or so that my social life has blossomed. It’ll get there.

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:09 pm

      Ahh thanks and so good to know that it eventually comes xx

  8. September 11, 2015 / 9:07 am

    Feel for you! It must’ve been so difficult to move away from everyone and everything you know but it also sounds like it’s had its positives. It’ll take a little while but you’ll soon have friends there that you can rely on. xo

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:12 pm

      Thanks Kaye – you’re a star. I know, I am being a little premature wanting tones of mates but I guess I miss what I had before. I am sure I will get into a new life soon xx

  9. September 11, 2015 / 10:50 am

    Sorry to hear you’re been feeling lonely Jess. It takes a lot of courage to move away from from your friends and family. Pre-school (and then school) is such an amazing place to meet people though. I find it hard as I’m shy – but you’re totally right that making just one friend will always open up new doors. Children are a great ice breaker too! x

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:35 pm

      Thanks. I find the twins quite easy as people often talk to me about it! It is a greta conversation starter! Thanks for the lovely comment xx

  10. September 11, 2015 / 1:59 pm

    Aw Jess sorry to hear you have been feeling a little lonely. I have no doubt that you will make friends as you are a lovely and warm person, I am guessing its takes a little time. And don’t forget you only moved there at the beginning of the summer, and routine has been out of the window. I am sure your diary will be bursting with coffee meetings very soon. And if not you can always arrange a virtual twitter coffee morning. I will bring the biscuits lol x

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:41 pm

      Thanks and I might take you up on that lovely lady 🙂 xxx

  11. September 11, 2015 / 3:32 pm

    Aaah chick!!! Don’t feel lonely — it’s really, really early days yet!! It won’t be long before you’re inundated with social engagements! When I’ve got a free week I’ll come and meet you one day. Things have been nuts recently and I’m chasing my tail but when I manage to get on top of everything, we’ll make a date.

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:41 pm

      Thanks lovely 🙂 Much appreciated. That would be lovely xx

  12. September 11, 2015 / 8:37 pm

    Oh Jess, it is bound to be such a big shake up and not having your friends around you must be really hard. It does sound like you are doing brilliantly though! I mean, with all the moving and the settling in there hasn’t been time to make friends yet has there, but now it will come I promise you! You know I think school can be quite a good place to meet other parents, if you ever see any from the twins’ pre-school, maybe that would be a good place to start. It is often busy though isn’t it! We are all here for you in the meantime – as always! xx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:42 pm

      Thank you 🙂 Miss my North West crew!! Yes I know, I have been so busy that I really haven’t had the chance. Now the twins are at preschool it all feels much better and I am sure will come xx

  13. September 11, 2015 / 9:07 pm

    Jess wish we could all visit for a girly night out, in fact why don’t we? but do you know what you are just so lovely that people will be falling over themselves to be your friend x

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:42 pm

      GREAT idea 🙂 Lets do something soon *makes a note* xx

  14. September 12, 2015 / 5:51 pm

    Awww, big hugs Jess. It must be hard moving somewhere completely new, I really admire you. Hope you get a few playdates sorted soon. xx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:46 pm

      Thank you so much 🙂 It was tough saying goodbye but it was worth it for so many other reasons! xx

  15. September 12, 2015 / 7:19 pm

    Oh huni, I think you are amazing. Give it a few more weeks if not days and everything will start to settle. I wish we loved closer – but that’s not to say we can’t meet up. We can have a day trip out to see you or meet half way. Sounds like the fitness club is right up your street. Sending lots of love and hugs gorgeous lady and I am so pleased you got your family back (so to speak).xxxxx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:49 pm

      Sounds great. I know it is a way to meet up but that would be nice 🙂 xx

  16. September 12, 2015 / 8:48 pm

    Your sister in law is of course right! You are so lovely and friendly, you’ll make friends in no time.
    But if you do happen to get lonely – just tweet darhls and I’ll be (virtually) there xxxx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:50 pm

      Thanks lovely – you’re always there 🙂 xxx Fab friend xx

  17. September 13, 2015 / 10:55 am

    Oh Jess, you are so lovely that I absolutely know that it will most definitely get better. I had the same when we moved to Switzerland, and actually the same when we moved back to the UK, as even though we moved ‘home’, we’d changed and so had a lot of our friends. It’s tough but give yourself a couple of months to find your feet and you’ll be in the hub of the local social centre x

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:50 pm

      Thanks love. Just missing you guys! I know, it is still early days and these things take time xx

  18. September 13, 2015 / 5:42 pm

    This is something that I can completely relate to. It took a while once we’d moved to the US to feel that I had people I could meet up with. A bit of adult company! It is hard, and it doesn’t happen over night, but the key thing is to put yourself out there (!) and before you know it, the play dates, and coffees and cake, will be happening x #sundaystars

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:53 pm

      Your are so right, and it must have been so hard moving to another country! Thanks for the advice xx

  19. September 13, 2015 / 8:19 pm

    Hello Jess. Sounds like you’re having a well grounded wobble…you know you’ll be okay, and it’s all part of the process. Having said that I have no idea how I’d feel, having never lived more than 5 minutes away from where I grew up – my Mum, my school, my siblings, all my friends. I’m a big coward really 😉 Having said that, even being surrounded by people I love, its still a lonely business being a mum of little ones – there are always days where no one is around, or you too tired to make plans (then regret it). We are all right there with you…I look forward to reading all about your new exciting life. x MMT #sundaystars

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:56 pm

      Thanks so much. The idea was lovely and now the reality is a little harder! I am sure I will get there as this happened in N. wales too and I made so many lovely friends xx

  20. September 13, 2015 / 10:24 pm

    Ah Jess, you’ll have your new friendship group before you know it! I know this because I know how lovely and easy to get on with you are! I’m so glad the kids have settled down well and that your hubby is happy in his new role. Remember, I’m always here if you want to chat. I’m now free as a bird for two hours every day when Poppy’s at preschool and Lili’s at school – it’s going to be so odd to have this free time! Don’t be lonely xxx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:58 pm

      Thanks very much – I know, it does come quickly once you get to know 1 or 2 people 🙂 Might take you up on that! xx

  21. September 13, 2015 / 10:27 pm

    Oh huni, I am sorry you have felt lonely. I have never had my family close by so don’t miss them being 250 miles away. I hope your friendships develop and I am sure you will soon be surrounded by lots of lovely people xx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:59 pm

      Thanks – blogging has been great as I have met up with a few people already and have plans for more! Hopefully the preschool gates will bring a few more lovely ladies too xx

  22. September 13, 2015 / 10:54 pm

    Aww Jess I know exactly how you feel. It will get easier. No idea how far you are from me but I’d love to meet up x

    • Jess
      Author
      September 14, 2015 / 9:58 pm

      Thanks and lets get something in the diary soon xx

  23. Karen @ TalesofaTwinMum
    September 15, 2015 / 4:20 am

    Oh bless, it’s so hard isn’t it? We’ve been out in Australia for a year now and I still miss my friends and family from back home – I guess I always will. It takes time to settle in, and finally I feel like I’m making progress. We’ve been lucky to meet people through some expat groups, but I’m now going for coffee regularly with other school mums too and that really helps. You don’t want to sound too desperate by inviting everybody for coffee and play dates do you? But the truth is, most people are up for it if you ask them and it’s the only way to start to feel settled. So stick with it – it does get easier but there are always lonely days. When they strike I usually try to get up and go outside for some fresh air as everything looks better in the sunshine. Sending hugs. xx

  24. September 23, 2015 / 4:15 pm

    Oh bless you. It must be so difficult to be in your situation. Though it sounds to me as though you’re taking all the right steps. Totally just loiter (with intent!) at the school gates, meet those other mums and dads, get involved in some school activities maybe, and that fitness class sounds fab. Knowing you and how lovely you are, I just know that you’ll be just fine. Big hugs xxxx

  25. September 26, 2015 / 1:10 am

    Oh bless you lovely lady. Moving house is so hard. And it does feel isolating. Especially as hubby goes to work everyday. So in most ways his life continues to be the same. But being a stay-at-home mum means you are the person who can go for days without a proper adult conversation. I totally get where you are coming from. I wished we lived nearer so that we could have a play date. I am sure Little Miss H would adore Harry and Lottie. But it sounds to me like you are doing lots to make friends and meet other people. I found that putting a shout out on the local NCT board on Facebook has really helped me meet some lovely new mums. Be kind to yourself. Thanks for linking up to #SundaysStars. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to comment. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

    • Jess
      Author
      September 26, 2015 / 4:40 pm

      Ahhhh thanks hun – I wish we lived closer too. Thanks for the NCT tip – fab 🙂 xx

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