There was a time when I was pretty obsessed with trying to conceive. That blue line appearing in the window of the pregnancy test was all that I craved. And every month, no blue line. Just an empty window.
Early-30’s, and I had been longing for a baby of my own for some time. And although I was enjoying a flourishing career in Human Resources, I literally couldn’t stop thinking about having a family and bringing up my own children. I couldn’t wait.
Unlike a lot of couples, pregnancy did not happen very quickly at all for my Husband and I – in fact, we had to have a lot of medical help to achieve our goals.
This was such a hard time. You are completely reliant on factors out of your hands, and the process of trying for a baby is no longer exciting but becomes a clinical procedure.
It is invasive, emotionally exhausting and put a lot of pressure on our relationship.
I went through some very dark times during this period; I felt very lonely and isolated – like no-body else understood. I felt as though everybody else was getting pregnant so easily. I felt as though I didn’t know a single person who had struggled as much as us.
Going through x3 rounds of IVF was extremely heartbreaking. Because IVF is supposed to work, right? So why wasn’t it working for us?
I got through this difficult period of time by doing the following, which I highly recommend to anyone who is going through a similar experience:
– Talking about it together as a couple, regularly. Open communication is key – even when you feel really low. As well as talking and sharing your feelings to family and friends.
– Counselling sessions (accessed through the NHS via IVF treatment). This is useful to talk to someone who is not so personally involved in the situation and can offer some help and guidance.
– Hobbies. I started horse riding and learning to play golf. This was a nice distraction and gave me an outlet for my thoughts, as well as a new focus of attention.
– Keeping fit, running and eating healthy. Exercise is a great way to clear the mind, make you feel better about yourself…plus it helps plan the body for possible pregnancy.
– Holidays and mini breaks away. We went to some lovely places (such as Thailand, below) or just went away on weekends or days out, and did some lovely things together. It was important to escape and experience new adventures together away from the routine and stress.
– Jealousy. When I was trying for a baby, I just wanted it to happen immediately. I didn’t want to wait 2, 3 or even 6 months. And it seemed as though EVERYONE else was pregnant. There were bumps and babies everywhere. I felt as though all my friends were becoming pregnant ‘before’ me. Not that it was a race. But even so, I started first, and I was falling way behind. Panic and stress set in. I tried to overcome this by telling my friends how I felt, and they were great at understanding my feelings. This was hard, but talking to them and being open and honest helped me so much.
A happy ending!
Thankfully, for our story, there was a happy ending! Despite our battles; after 4 years and lots of tears we finally got there! On our third attempt of IVF we had 2 embryos put back and got pregnant with twins!
Our boy & girl twins, Harry & Lottie were born at 36 weeks + 3 days by caesarian section. He weighed 6lb 7oz and she weighed 5lb 13oz.
Both were healthy…and we were very, very happy indeed.