Play-dates: who are they really for?

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It’s taken me ages to get the twins ready this morning. They’ve struggled to get dressed and fought with me to put their coats and shoes on. I’m running late.

It’s raining outside and it’s so cold.

We get in the car, arrive at a friend’s house and she makes me a well-needed cuppa. The twins eat biscuits. We’ve not been there long and already the twins are fighting with her little boy over his toys. Soon after Lottie has a huge tantrum. And then Harry won’t leave when it’s time to go.

It’s still only 11.15am. I’m exhausted already.

And yet if it’s really that much ‘hard work’…then why am I bothering with these play-dates?

Why not just stay at home on our own?

I’d like to believe that the twins get development from it. That it is progressing their social skills. That they are learning to play, talk, share and socialise with other children. I’d like to think they really enjoy it too.

Except, I’m not sure that they do.

I’m sure it is nice for them to get out of the house, or have friends over – but if they could talk, would they tell me that they’d actually prefer to stay at home rather than go out? Would they request NOT to have any other children over to the house, i.e. be forced to share all their precious toys?

Maybe.

However, I think it’s actually ME that’s getting the most from these dates. Maybe far more than they are. Maybe A LOT more than I thought.

I’m getting an hour (1.5 hrs on a good day, if the twins are both in good moods) out of the house. A few times a week. Or having the company at my house. I’m getting to talk to another adult. A grown up. I’m having a good chinwag during the day; a chat about ‘stuff’. It’s brilliant. It’s keeping me sane.

The friendship aspect for me is totally invaluable. Right now these play-dates are my lifeline.

And so even though it can be a challenge to get there, (and a small effort to manage the children throughout), I clearly need them.

And I am indeed very glad of them.

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40 Comments

  1. November 26, 2014 / 4:34 pm

    You are definitely onto something there Jess. Play dates are hard work – but always better to go to someone else than have the carnage you are left with at the end to tidy up yourself.
    Karen recently posted…Wicked Wednesdays 26th NovemberMy Profile

    • Jess
      November 26, 2014 / 6:13 pm

      Yes! Not so great when it’s your turn and they trash your house! LOL 😉 xx

  2. November 26, 2014 / 7:35 pm

    play dates are what keep mums sane! and they come with the best advice and biscuits 😉

    • Jess
      November 26, 2014 / 8:52 pm

      Hmmmm the biscuits, and the cake! 🙂 xx

  3. November 26, 2014 / 9:13 pm

    We are at this stage where I’m really struggling to get out and when I am I just want to go home!! Twins are very hard work but bloody awesome. It’s good to read other twin moms blogs so thanks xx
    Beth Twinderelmo recently posted…Wicked Wednesdays #18My Profile

    • Jess
      November 26, 2014 / 10:04 pm

      Snap. I need to get out but when I do I wonder why I did!! Sometimes they drive me crazy, and then others they are good as gold! Glad you’re the same! Thanks for the comment lovely 🙂 Jess xx

  4. November 26, 2014 / 10:54 pm

    I think you’re right, it’s probably more beneficial for the mums, but I guess it’s all learning for the kids with sharing etc. I think short and sweet is the way forward for play dates when they’re young otherwise it always gets a bit mad! Oh and make sure you hang out with other parents who can shrug and laugh off a bit of bad behaviour! Xx
    Julia @ rainbeaubelle recently posted…Shopping local at the Fab Frost FairMy Profile

    • Jess
      November 27, 2014 / 8:21 am

      Luckily my friends still ask me round – so hopefully they don’t mind!! Thanks Jess xx

  5. November 27, 2014 / 9:15 am

    I agree, I think they are more for us then them! xx #BrillBlogPosts

    • Jess
      November 27, 2014 / 10:04 am

      Who can not enjoy a coffee and a chinwag! Thanks for the comment lovely x

  6. November 27, 2014 / 10:58 am

    Playdates are totes for me! I love them so much. Especially at someone else’s house. They are by far the very best kind! x
    brummymummyof2 recently posted…UntouchableMy Profile

    • Jess
      November 27, 2014 / 3:05 pm

      Thanks! Hee hee. Totally agree 🙂 xx

  7. November 27, 2014 / 11:39 pm

    Definitely agree. Play dates keep me sane. But they are hard work. For me the hardest thing is the clear up after having friends and their kids over. The flat always looks like a bomb has hit it. Hugs Mrs H xxxx
    Mrs H recently posted…An A – Z of Blogfest 2014: Part 2My Profile

    • Jess
      November 28, 2014 / 7:33 am

      Play dates are brilliant and keep me sane too! Despite the mess and chaos! Jess xxx

  8. November 29, 2014 / 8:29 am

    When they’re really little and know nothing about being sociable or having friends, the play dates and baby groups are definitely for us. But as they get older they take the reigns a little more and its lovely to see x x x
    ghostwritermummy recently posted…Win a prize bundle with Bepanthen!My Profile

    • Jess
      November 29, 2014 / 4:21 pm

      Good to know! Thank you Jess xx

  9. November 29, 2014 / 5:20 pm

    Agree that play dates are as much for us as the kids, helps us to feel sane! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x
    HonestMum recently posted…5 Ways to Be Kinder to YourselfMy Profile

    • Jess
      November 29, 2014 / 6:07 pm

      Thank you lovely. Jess xx

    • Jess
      December 5, 2014 / 10:34 pm

      I, for one, need them!! Jess xx

  10. November 30, 2014 / 9:28 pm

    As I’ve already commented I’ll just say thanks for linking up! Xx #sundaystars xx
    Julia Rainbeaubelle recently posted…Sunday Stars #7My Profile

    • Jess
      November 30, 2014 / 10:18 pm

      Always a pleasure 🙂 Love #sundaystars

  11. November 30, 2014 / 9:37 pm

    So true! I am in full time work now, but during one year long maternity doing play dates and meeting other mums was absolutely necessary to keep my sanity.
    #sundaystars
    Joanna @mumbalance recently posted…Sawing the SeedMy Profile

    • Jess
      November 30, 2014 / 10:19 pm

      So true! Love the playdates and long may they last! Jess x

    • Jess
      December 1, 2014 / 2:44 pm

      Thanks 🙂 Agreed. Who knows how stir crazy I’d be without them. Jess xx

    • Jess
      December 5, 2014 / 10:33 pm

      I love the idea of a blogger village!!!! How cool would that be? Jess xx

  12. December 4, 2014 / 11:26 pm

    They are totally for us! Plus if you can arrange it in the other person’s house all the better!
    We used to go visiting a lot when my older 4 were little but I don’t get to do it often with O which I really miss.
    Thanks for linking up with #SundayStars

    • Jess
      December 5, 2014 / 10:33 pm

      It’s getting easier as they get older – getting out of the car and into the house etc! I’ve just the tantrums to deal with now! 😉 xx

  13. Katie Haydock
    December 7, 2014 / 8:34 pm

    I love going on play dates to have a good natter with other mums but sadly I can count on one hand the amount of conversations I have that aren’t broken!

  14. Jess
    December 7, 2014 / 9:05 pm

    Oh me too. The amount of times we end up being interrupted or saying “where were we?!”…..Jess xx

  15. January 16, 2015 / 4:43 pm

    Hahah it’s totally for us!! Being a Mum is hard work and draining, adult conversation is essential to help us get by! Plus in the end I’m sure it must aide development and teach some essential social skills x
    Donna recently posted…The Pro’s and Con’s of Baby GroupsMy Profile

    • January 17, 2015 / 10:07 am

      Totally! Love my playdates (I mean theirs!). Thanks for the comment, Jess x

  16. May 20, 2015 / 4:02 pm

    Oh I love playdates….but mainly at someone elses house 😉 It’s just the tidying up afterwards I hate, it’s hard enough tidying up after one toddler let alone a whole gang of them! I do enjoy getting together with my mummy friends though, the kids generally play together nicely and it normally revolves around a nice lunch with cake 🙂 #kidscorner

    • May 20, 2015 / 6:42 pm

      Cake is for sure the best bit! Agree, at someone else’s house is always so much better! xx

    • May 21, 2015 / 11:46 am

      I know. They save me! xx

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